Happy New Year!!  I had an entirely different blog post written and then Jan 6th, 2021 happened.  Here’s to continuing to pivot during this pandemic.  

As change agents and leaders, the words we choose matter.  Our words can inspire and lift people up, they can hurt and bring people down, they can encourage collaboration, they can plant a seed, they can ignite conflict / violence, and more.  Unfortunately inciting conflict and violence is what we saw happen in the United States Capitol on Jan 6th, 2021.  As you reflect on what happened that fateful day, think about what effect your words have been having on your team?, your employees?, your spouse?, your children?, and others?  Unsure the effect your words are having?  Or how to shift the effect?

To understand the effect your words are having on those around you:

• Think about what behaviors people are exhibiting directly after interacting with you. Are they calmer, more relaxed, inspired, yelling, defensive, etc.?

• Review the words they respond with, their tone, and body language; are the words kind and welcoming and their body language relaxed? Or are the words dismissive, the tone short, and the body language tense or scared?

• Ask the person directly if you’re unsure

Want to shift the effect your words are having on those around you?  Here are five things you can do to change the effect you are having:

1. Set your intention for the conversation before you engage. Decide what effect you want your words to have on the person or people you’re engaging with before you talk with them.

2. Consider what you know about who you’re engaging with. Words mean different things to different people. If you know talking about lilies will sadden your wife because they were at her father’s funeral, then talking about lilies when you’re trying to cheer her up probably isn’t going to put a smile on her face.

3. Align your words to your intention when you’re engaging with the person or people. If your intention is to calm who you’re speaking with, and they say something that is upsetting to you, and then you lash out at them with mean or derogatory words, you’re now misaligned with your intention.

4. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and remember your intention before you respond if you feel yourself getting triggered during the conversation and are getting concerned you’re about to say words misaligned with your intention

5. Validate the effect your words had. Talk to the person or people afterwards and find out how they’re feeling after you engaged with them. What if your intention was to inspire the team, you’re thinking you hit a home run, and the team is rolling their eyes after the meeting and thinking blah blah blah?

Words matter and the people we engage with matter.  The more you can set your intention, know who you are engaging with, align your words with your intention, and confirm your intention was met, the more effective of a change agent / leader you will  be. 

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About the Author: Rosanne Essiambre helps change agents and departments in one-on-one and group settings to be seen, be heard, and be effective in bringing about change in the organization and/or in their personal lives. She provides consulting and facilitation to organizations to improve communications and collaboration, smooth out the change / transformation journey, get to the root cause of an issue so it can be solved for good, improve processes, and implement successful lessons learned. And she conducts workshops, trains, and speaks on Energy Leadership, Emotional Intelligence, Resilience, Being a Change Agent and more. If you or your organization could use support with your change effort or some inspiration, contact Rosanne for a complimentary consultation. Rosanne is a Change Agent Coach, Facilitator, Six Sigma Black Belt, Change Management / Continuous Improvement Consultant, Speaker, and Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner with more than 20 years experience working on a variety of transformations across a diverse set of industries both domestically and internationally, while continuously improving herself.