Mid-April I was preparing for my second Covid vaccine shot as I have a history of unusual things happening to me medically. Prior to the pandemic I had already been through one medical adverse event from using an over the counter product. What this means is I became very ill from taking an off the shelf product a doctor had prescribed me and almost ended up in the hospital. So when it came to the second vaccine, I was expecting to be ill longer than most people. I made sure I:
Had plenty of food stocked that could be heated up in the microwave for when I was too exhausted to cook
Cleared my work calendar for 3.5 business days after the shot which combined with the weekend would give me almost 6 days to recover if I was very ill
Had magnesium citrate on hand for muscle or body aches
Had frozen fruit to eat for when I was sweating from fever
Had a working thermometer so I knew how high of a fever I was spiking
The people in my life who know me well knew there was plenty of past evidence pointing to the likelihood I would struggle with the vaccine. They knew I was being a realist, i.e. a person who reviews all the data, accepts a situation as it is, and is prepared to deal with it accordingly.
There were others however who told me things like:
“Don’t worry about it” when I said “I’m nervous about the shot"
“You’ll be fine!” when I said “I’m anticipating being down for the count from the vaccine”
These people mean well as they most likely thought they were reassuring me. However the effect they really had was:
Ignoring my feelings (i.e. emotional invalidation) and past experiences
Creating distance and frustration in the relationship
Having a negative effect on the relationship
Especially considering my concerns turned out to be very valid as I had such an extreme reaction to the second shot it qualified as my second medical adverse reporting event.
As change agents and leaders, we frequently interact with stakeholders who are naturally feeling a lot about a change. Ignoring these feelings can result in stakeholders:
Feeling unseen, unheard, unsupported, unimportant, and more stressed
Disliking you as they may view you as uncaring and insensitive
Not trusting you
Being more hostile and resistant
In addition to the above applying to stakeholders, the same results occur in any relationship where you ignore a person’s feelings, whether it’s your partner, child, parent, friend, etc.
So the next time you find yourself about to ignore or talk someone out of their feelings, ask yourself what do I want to create in this relationship? Do I want to create distance, upset, and frustration? Or do I want to create connection, trust, and harmony?
Call to Action
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About the Author: Rosanne Essiambre helps change agents and departments in one-on-one and group settings to be seen, be heard, and be effective in bringing about change in the organization and/or in their personal lives. She provides consulting and facilitation to organizations to improve communications and collaboration, smooth out the change / transformation journey, get to the root cause of an issue so it can be solved for good, improve processes, and implement successful lessons learned. And she conducts workshops, trains, and speaks on Energy Leadership, Emotional Intelligence, Resilience, Being a Change Agent and more. If you or your organization could use support with your change effort or some inspiration, contact Rosanne for a complimentary consultation. Rosanne is a Change Agent Coach, Facilitator, Six Sigma Black Belt, Change Management / Continuous Improvement Consultant, Speaker, and Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner with more than 20 years experience working on a variety of transformations across a diverse set of industries both domestically and internationally, while continuously improving herself.